I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
