TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
