i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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