Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
