Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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