I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
