do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
