I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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