I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
