just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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