Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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