HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
