Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
