she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I want to be your penis for a week.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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