So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
