You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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