I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
