Plan B is the new Plan A
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
