its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
