i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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