So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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