Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
