does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
