rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
