I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
