How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
