Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
