i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Drunk is a universal language darling
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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