she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
