Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
