it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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