maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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