PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
