I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
