Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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