just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
