It's Friday. Sex?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
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