I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Randomize
