tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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