I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
