508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
