If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
