I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
