DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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