my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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