He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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