So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
