I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
this boner is exhausting
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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