I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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