I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
