I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
