Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
