I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
